From Corporate Meetings to Block Parties: My Journey in Building Connection

Kate is one of my best friends in her mid-fifties and never married.  She would like a romantic partner.  But she is also not motivated to date - as she sees it, spending time with people she may not like.  Someone told her once that ‘she just isn’t lonely enough.’  It’s true.  She has a vast network of friends - season ticket holders for the local soccer club, neighbors, church, and various groups of friends from past employers, not to mention her close knit family.  She is incredibly proactive in spending time with each of these groups - planning hikes, organizing trips, finding new restaurants to try, or stopping by for a quick visit.  

The benefits of actively nurturing our community vastly outweigh the time and effort.  

Work

There is a lot of discussion on remote work.  As a single mom, I understand the convenience of not having to rush out of the office to pick up my child from school and avoiding the commute time.  But I also value the connections from my work colleagues.  I met most of my close friends from work.

I valued the experience from my time at a global tech company, but most of all, I treasured the network of executive women who supported each other and made work fun.  In the decade since leaving the company, I have co-organized alumnae events so we can continue supporting each other and celebrating our successes both personal and professional.  We have supported each other through divorces, encouraged the start of dating journeys, and leaned on each other through professional disappointments.

Neighbors

We were the only family with young children when we moved to our neighborhood - a quiet dead end street with ten houses.  We wanted to connect with our neighbors primarily for safety so our son would be comfortable going to a neighbor’s house for help. 

To get started, we organized a wintertime cocktail hour at our house.  We handed out invitations when we saw neighbors or dropped invitations in their mailbox.  To our delight, everyone attended and loved the event.  It showed how hungry everyone was to make connections but no one wanted to make the first move.  Now, we know all of our neighbors and new neighbors are quickly included into the fold.  We watch out for each other’s kids, feed each other’s pets during vacations, and grab each other’s packages when we’re out of town.     

School

My son has had the same group of friends since kindergarten.  We have playdates and sleepovers.  We ‘babysit’ for each other.  We share hand me down clothes.  Over time, I have become great friends with his friends’ parents.  

Recently, we started a monthly tradition where Moms and boys come over to our house.  After eating dinner together, the boys go upstairs to play and the Moms stay downstairs to talk.  We always have a good time and the hours pass too quickly.

It is quite easy to live in isolation - remote work, streaming, and social media.  We have the illusion of connectedness with video calls or social media feeds.  But we need physical interaction, even if it is uncomfortable, to start.  Instead of ordering take out, dine out alone and sit at the bar.  Buy a single ticket to a concert, comedy show or sporting event.  Join bootcamp, spin class or yoga. 

Just go out there.